Thoughts on Poverty

Sometimes I consider myself poor. We have a smaller income than the rest of my family. Much smaller.
We have a smaller income than the majority of our friends and acquaintances.

This doesn't make me feel like less of a person - I'm not one to judge others by the size of their wallet.

But over the years, I've held a mindset that says "If only we had more money........"

It's almost become an excuse for me not doing things around the house.

In all the changes that have happened here in the last 6 months, the "If only we had enough money to......." has changed itself around in my head. I can't work any more hours than I am working. I just physically can't do it. I'm driving 12 hours week to get to 45 hours a week of work. I have a day off with the family on Sundays (although I would do a market if there was one!) and I have a day when I got to spinning with my group (although I am kinda working then too because I always sell stock and take orders).

With these changes, the "If only we had enough money" has turned into "what can I do to GET more money". And the limiting factor of "nothing!" has made me feel inadequate again.


But there's more to it than that. Because my definition of 'poor' has changed. Instead of being "I wish we had enough money to" it's become "I wish we had the money so I didn't have to work so much"

Funny how the things I once thought we needed/wanted, have because superceded by the desire to just NOT WORK SO DAMN MUCH.

On a side note. My shed has had a deposit paid. The plan is to be submitted to council on Tuesday. Once it is here, then I might get a loungeroom back. That would be awesome.

I should add to the end of this post that I am more than well aware that the 'poor' that I'm talking about here is not, in the true scheme of the world, poor at all. That we have a house and cars and furniture, we have electricity and heat and clothing and food and we will never have to feel hunger or go without. That we are, in a more true sense of the word, rich beyond many people's imaginings. This post is coming from a place of white, australian priviledge. I can't apologise for that, because this is where I live.

If comparing my own circumstances to those around me who have more and labelling myself poor is offensive to those who have experienced true poverty, I do apologise. It is not my intention to cause offense.

Saturday off work

Today I have my first Saturday off work in 6 months.

I'd like to say it's because I'm planning a relaxing day at home and just decided i didn't need a day's worth of weekend loadings. The fact that I'm still in my pyjamas might add credence to that theory.

The truth is another matter.

I'm still in my pyjamas, because I got home at 2am this morning after sitting in hospital with my husband for a number of hours.

He went in yesterday afternoon after much insistance on my behalf, because he was suffering from intense pain, tingling and numbness in his left arm. It had been waking him up at night for the last week but yesterday morning it was coupled with some shoulder and chest pains and we were both becoming concerned about possible heart implications.

So he went to the local hospital and they did a chest xray and gave him some aspirin. then he waited for 4 hours to be taken in an ambulance to the larger hospital. They wouldn't let him drive himself down there.

I arrived at the big hospital about the same time he did and stayed there in Emergency while they hooked him up to a bunch of machines and took some blood for testing. It was a bit weird. He felt like he was taking up a bed for no reason but despite the stress I was very glad he was there! His cholesterol has been high lately and he's a type 1 diabetic so health issues can be complicated by that.

I did a little bit of knitting at his bedside (not much) and we chatted for ages. They finally told us they were admitting him to the Cardiac assessment unit. I followed them up to the ward and we got him settled in with a whole new bunch of monitors and whatnot.

I then went home - there was no room there for me to stay. Besides, I had left the kids asleep with Master 15 watching them so I really needed to be home for the wake up.


It appears at this stage that the rest of the tests they did overnight have come back ok. His arm still woke him up with lots of pain early this morning but it seems to be unrelated to his heart. They are going to put him o a treadmill soon and do a stress test just to be sure.

If it's not a heart thing, then they will release him sometime today. This will be good! On the other hand, it means we will have to get an appointment somewhere in order for them to find out exactly what the problem is, because he can't keep going with numb fingers and tingly bits and extreme pain in his arm! Especially as he is a leftie.


So I'm not having a relaxing day off. I'm recovering from the stress of yesterday. And I'm thanking every lucky star I have that it's NOT his heart at this point.

garden attempt number 60-gazillion

i go through phases with gardening. These phases revolve around things like - who is home that i can order around with a shovel, and how far do i have to carry the watering can before it all gets too hard.

They also revolve around things like the chickens eating them (potato patch 1, as an example), bugs and creepy things eating them (first grand tomato growing venture, with the horrid red mites and their even more horrid tomato viruses), and the sun generally cooking the daylights out of them.

Anyhow, i started another effort. I can't say today, because today was the planting and protecting from chickens part of the effort.

A few weeks ago the guinea pig hutch finally rotted into nothing. So they got a new house (smaller, metal and more portable!) and the old one was thrown away. Where the old one had been sitting was a pile of partially composted sawdust laced with guinea pig poo and straw. So I had handy shovel-bearing 15 yr old dug it through with some soil and water it, then mulch the spot with pea straw.

It rained a number of times after that. And I left it all there.

Today I weeded some grass out of it, happily planted out a bunch of vegie seedlings (all far too close together, but what the hell) and put a chook protector fence around it.

So although the million millipedes and earwigs and brown spiders that I disturbed today under that mulch might not be very happy, and might even wreak a terrible vengeance on me by eating my precious little plants, at least I tried.

I planted the things the kids asked for. So we have sugar snap peas, cherry tomatoes, multi-coloured capsicums, non-heading lettuces, lebanese cucumbers and strawberries. And for me - basil.

It's right near the water tank, so I might even remember to water it occasionally. It's near the back door, so that might help too. And the chook fence is actually the frame of a donated greenhouse - which makes for easy shading come stinking hot season.

I'll cross my fingers, and maybe we'll eat something out of the garden this year. Maybe!