Self-sabotage

I wonder, does anyone else do this?
I've been doing it all day today. There have been so many things that I was supposed to be doing, things I really NEEDED to be doing, things that were supposed to be done before bed tonight, because they HAD to be ready in the morning.

I spent most of the day faffing about, I made pasta sauce, started this blog, caught up on my blog reading, chatted on facebook, researched random things on the net.

Now it's bed time. I've done TWO of the many many things I was supposed to do today. And there isn't the chance for me to do anymore, because I did forget about the kids swimming lessons in the morning. Which I have to go to, because really, my boys won't cope without help after swimming to get dry and dressed - they are only little. But it's EVERY SINGLE MORNING this week.

I've got, thanks to my lack of motivation today, a dozen things to finish sewing, 30 -odd articles of clothing to iron, 40 plus things to photograph. A bag of OTHER things to photograph to retrieve from where I somehow accidentally left them. Or find them if I didn't leave them there - I'm not sure which it is right now! And then they all need listing online once I've figured out all these new product option thingies that my store software snuck in while I wasn't looking.

The true crux of this matter is - I do this EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Every time I have a deadline, an important event, a potential-to-make-money thing happen, I sabotage it. I don't know why. I know I don't want to be working at the dive for the rest of my life, I know I want to make this thing I'm doing develop and end up providing an awesome income - but I keep shooting myself in the foot.

My foot now hurts. And I'm tired. I wish I knew why I keep doing this to myself.

Tomorrow I will get up early, do another job or 2 before swimming, and see if I can actually acheive stuff. Hopefully.