this week...

I've been feeling very flat. Very - down, I suppose.

Things have changed at work in ways that are making me feel... I dunno, it's a little hard to explain.
Just feel like I'm not supposed to be the kind of person that the job is making me be.

In the same vein, or perhaps not, I cannot leave the workplace. I just can't. I spent an entire day searching the job applications to see if there was something different out there that was, well, different. But I didn't find it.

I'm also feeling somewhat unsupported by those around me in my attempt to discover what the best course of action for me to take is right now. That's probably not helping.

Perhaps that's not true - not so much unsupported, but there's an element of unreality in the support I'm getting.

I can't make the same wage as I'm currently earning by going to work as a casual dishwasher.

Our household cannot survive on less than I'm currently earning.

The other earning member here cannot go and earn more to make up the difference.

Those are the facts.

Apparently the facts are destined to continually get in the way of what I wish I could do - which is just knit, right now.

I just want to sit and quietly knit. Maybe spin a bit. Then knit some more. Card up some lovely art batts, dye up some amazing fibres, and knit a bit more.

Maybe I just need a holiday.