blah blah blah blah

Once, a few weeks ago, I had this idea that I should start another blog. You know, to go along with the 3 I already have that I very rarely update.
Part of it was an urge to start writing fiction again. Just a chapter here and there that I could blog when the urge overtook me - that way I could use the phone, any handy computer, whatever.

Obviously that hasn't happened.

And as I sit here blogging at work I think to myself - do I really need another thing to feel responsible for? I don't think so.

Busy, that's what my life is. Busy. I want to create more, to put my stamp on more things in life, to be honestly able to say "I did that all by myself" only there isn't time. I currently have time to say "look, I worked innumerable hours this week" as if that's some kind of badge to wear. It's a shame that it doesn't feel like it. It feels, in fact, like I'm slaving away acheiving absolutely nothing except working towards a positive bank account.

That doesn't give me the feedback that I like. I like to SEE what I've achieved, there in front of me, a creation that is mine. My ideas, my skills, my senses all immersed in this thing that I alone have done.

Then I like to sell it LOL

I keep telling myself "one day" - one day the studio will be in place, one day the sales will pick up enough so that I can drop one of the mind-numbing things I do just for money and start doing things that I get true satisfaction from.
One day, doing those things will mean I finally meet my own standards - of living, of parenting, of eating and producing and preserving.

One day, I will feel as though my life has purpose beyond the bank balance.

One day I will feel complete as a person.

One day......

The phone conversation of all time

OK so this is how it goes. Keep in mind our household has already recieved a call from these scammers, so I already knew what was going on. Italics is the man on the phone. Non-italics - me.

Enjoy.


Hello am I speaking with mrs pilborough?

Yep, that's me.

Hello, my name is Tim, I'm calling from a computer security firm in regards to your home computer. Can you tell me, do you have a computer with an authorised operating system?

*alarm bell clangs*

Yes, yes I do.

Well, our computer security company is calling people in regards to a very serious computer breach that can affect your systems. This breach comes through the internet.

Internet?? What's that?? *insert blonde tone here*

*pregnant pause* You do not know what hte internet is??

No! Tell me more, it sounds interesting.

Um.. *longer pregnant pause* You do not download anything??

Down... load. Sounds strange, what does that mean???


*pause so pregnant that his waters must've been almost breaking*

You have never used email??

We don't even have a postman here!

No no, mam, email is the electronic version of mail. you send letters through the computer. You do have a computer??

Yes, the children play games on it. Tell me more about this email

You don't know about the internet? (to someone in the background - this lady doesn't know about the internet!)

That's right. Do tell me about it, I'm curious now.


Loooooonng pause.

If you don't know about the internet, I'm afraid we cannot help you today mam. Thankyou and goodbye.


And that is how to avoid people behaving like the last one who called with a similar scam, who swore at my husband when he refused to log onto their website.

*grin*

jingling, anyone?

Is it just me who gets a little caught up in the anti-christmas spirit this time of year? Like, seriously. Tinsel and carols and shopping and more shopping and more shopping - it's just blergh. Don't like it at all.

Having said that it's the kids christmas concert tonight - if the thunderstorms finish. I hope they do. It would be sad to have them cancel it. It's always fun to sit out on the oval and watch the littlies dancing to their tunes. And they love the visit from the jolly red man on the CFS truck, even though I have to take Rory's lollipop away from him directly afterwards because it's never gluten/wheat free and he can't eat it.

I just dislike the general hoo ha. Maybe I'm turning into scrooge. Who really knows.

birthdays

It is my DH's birthday today. We have been married for 8 years now. Doesn't seem that long.

Lately I feel as though I have been undervaluing him. He is an awesome human being, with a fabulous skill set and a whole tonne more motivation to just get out there and do stuff than I have ever had in my entire life.

I love him very much and I am determined to make sure that whatever else happens between us, he always knows that I love him.

All I really wanna do is...

Sit in a quiet room and knit.

I just wanna sit in a quiet room and knit.

Today was my first day off after working 56 hours this week. I was called to go in and work today as well but I declined, thinking of how exhausted and generally brain dead I felt once I'd gotten home from work last night and how much I had been looking forward to a day off finally.

So today was the day off! I was supposed to be tidying up the study in an attempt to get some things shifted around in the lounge room so we can actually have a christmas tree up this year.

But I slept in for hours. I'm not complaining, I needed the sleep.

Then after the sleep in, we packed ourselves in the car off for a short trip to the shops. I bought some bits and peices, nothing exciting.

Then, I came home and attempted to set up DS1's computer to the internet. It didnt work. And somehow in the process I managed to stuff up the settings on the modem, so I can no longer connect to the net either. This is just freaking bonkers and I'm over it.

So I've spent money on cables and now, money on pre-paid credit for the wireless modem just to check my emails again. So now I have a non-working desktop, AND a non-working internet connection.

I'm going mad. Every time I try and fix something to do with these PC's it ends up failing dismally.


I'ts now half past 7 on my only day off and I've done nothing but fail all day. I'm going out to hang up the washing (which I only got half of done) and to water the vegies (which I haven't had time to weed and will no doubt die this week in the 35 degree heat that's forecast).

Then I'm coming back inside, to screaming kids and annoyed, still internet-less teenager. And I'm going to knit for a while, at least.

I know that's something that I can acheive. And fix if I stuff it up. And start again if I have to.

*sigh*

Thoughts on Religion

I am not religious.

I should point out at the outset of this post that I was raised Christian. I rebelled against Christian. For a long while I identified myself as pagan/wiccan. I havent' practised in a long time now.

I often feel a spiritual void in my life. Because there is that side of me that hasn't been addressed in all the hum-drum continual rushings to and fro of my everyday life.

This morning I have had an hour of contemplation and reading.

I should at this juncture put in place a different concept that I have been thinking about lately also - which is that of how I dress. From a purely practical perspective, I wear what I own in my cupboard. However, most of that is either not suitable for "office" work or not suitable for the stinking hot summers I can see heading my way and office work combined. So I have been contemplating what to do about that.
I will not wear stockings. No way no how. I loathe them, my skin loathes them, they are uncomfortable and plastic and horrid. I will not wear short skirts, and I LOATHE wearing pants in summer. Especially black pants in an un-airconditioned car for the hours-long drive in 38 degree heat that it will take me to get to work.
So I have been thinking about dresses and skirts. I usually stick to long, full, flowy hippy style skirts in summer with a t-shirt top on. But those skirts that I own are not suitable for office wear. So I've been thinking about dresses. And I pretty much can't stand most modern "maxi" dresses - they have too much shoulder and upper arm and boob sticking out.

I found a free pattern for a spiral skirt online the other day, and there was instructions in there for a top as well, to turn the skirt into a dress. It was what I consider to be a typical, american homesteading-style dress - slightly gathered sleeves just above the elbow, gathered (almost peasant style) neckline, lightly gathered high waist with the full flowing skirt under it. And I thought - yes. I can make that for work. I can make many for work. Not the height of current fashion - but then, why SHOULD I be the height of current fashion. I do not exist to impress others, I do not exist to be stared at, I am my own person. If I must fit the "neat and tidy" then that is what I shall do!


So , this led me naturally this morning to combining both a style of dress and a type of religious contemplation - and ended up with me on the website of the Adelaide Quakers.

The Society of Friends, they refer to themselves as. And although the US quaker sites are all pretty heavily religious from a strictly christian veiwpoint, the Adelaide site appears to be completely non-specific in it's theory.

One sits, in a room, with a group of other individuals, and one contemplates the divine. How one finds the divine may be spoken of, if one is led to speak. There would be, I do not doubt, heated intellectual conversation afterwards in regards to how everyone's experience of the divine differs.

But to all intents and purposes, the group appears to be joined by one main facet - the understanding that the divine is in everything, and approachable by everyone with no need for rules, requirements, labels, orthodoxy, noise, doctrine, texts, or speeches.

The divine is something one finds for oneself, in silence. One experiences for oneself, in whatever form happens to arrive. And one notices in everyday life, in those small silences, because it is simply there.

I like this. I like the concepts of this. I like to think that without the trappings of societal stress (clothing amongst quakers, btw is not set to anything at all - again, it's free for what one wishes to do. But I like the thought of having a simple style of clothing that I can wear that suits every occasion without me having to think about it. Kinda like the every-day jeans and a shirt that my husband wears. ) I too could find the divine in those occasional quiet moments, because I had opened myself up to the experience in an hour of contemplation during the week with like-minded individuals.

I wonder if I should find the time to go to a quaker meeting and contemplate.

Sadness and other stuff

So yesterday, my Aunt died.
I didn't know her all that well. But she was one of my mums very best friends. And her husband was Dad's best man at their wedding - 50 years ago. So they have known each other for a very long time, even though they live in a different state to us.

I have found, over the course of today, that my sadness seems to be not so much because she is dead, but because of the people who love her that are now greiving. I feel for my Mum and Dad, who have lost a life-long friend. And for my uncle, who has lost the love of his life. And my cousins, who have lost their rock.

I feel for them, and that makes me sad.

It makes me happy that she isn't around to keep living in the pain that she was suffering. I'm glad that she doesn't have to suffer with continued cancer treatments anymore. She would not have liked that.

I'm also happy that I didn't see her when she was sick. My last memories of her will be of a lovely, short little woman in full motorcycling leathers, hopping on the back of the big touring Honda that the two of them travelled around on. This is a good memory, and one I am glad I can hold on to.