The phone conversation of all time

OK so this is how it goes. Keep in mind our household has already recieved a call from these scammers, so I already knew what was going on. Italics is the man on the phone. Non-italics - me.

Enjoy.


Hello am I speaking with mrs pilborough?

Yep, that's me.

Hello, my name is Tim, I'm calling from a computer security firm in regards to your home computer. Can you tell me, do you have a computer with an authorised operating system?

*alarm bell clangs*

Yes, yes I do.

Well, our computer security company is calling people in regards to a very serious computer breach that can affect your systems. This breach comes through the internet.

Internet?? What's that?? *insert blonde tone here*

*pregnant pause* You do not know what hte internet is??

No! Tell me more, it sounds interesting.

Um.. *longer pregnant pause* You do not download anything??

Down... load. Sounds strange, what does that mean???


*pause so pregnant that his waters must've been almost breaking*

You have never used email??

We don't even have a postman here!

No no, mam, email is the electronic version of mail. you send letters through the computer. You do have a computer??

Yes, the children play games on it. Tell me more about this email

You don't know about the internet? (to someone in the background - this lady doesn't know about the internet!)

That's right. Do tell me about it, I'm curious now.


Loooooonng pause.

If you don't know about the internet, I'm afraid we cannot help you today mam. Thankyou and goodbye.


And that is how to avoid people behaving like the last one who called with a similar scam, who swore at my husband when he refused to log onto their website.

*grin*

jingling, anyone?

Is it just me who gets a little caught up in the anti-christmas spirit this time of year? Like, seriously. Tinsel and carols and shopping and more shopping and more shopping - it's just blergh. Don't like it at all.

Having said that it's the kids christmas concert tonight - if the thunderstorms finish. I hope they do. It would be sad to have them cancel it. It's always fun to sit out on the oval and watch the littlies dancing to their tunes. And they love the visit from the jolly red man on the CFS truck, even though I have to take Rory's lollipop away from him directly afterwards because it's never gluten/wheat free and he can't eat it.

I just dislike the general hoo ha. Maybe I'm turning into scrooge. Who really knows.

birthdays

It is my DH's birthday today. We have been married for 8 years now. Doesn't seem that long.

Lately I feel as though I have been undervaluing him. He is an awesome human being, with a fabulous skill set and a whole tonne more motivation to just get out there and do stuff than I have ever had in my entire life.

I love him very much and I am determined to make sure that whatever else happens between us, he always knows that I love him.

All I really wanna do is...

Sit in a quiet room and knit.

I just wanna sit in a quiet room and knit.

Today was my first day off after working 56 hours this week. I was called to go in and work today as well but I declined, thinking of how exhausted and generally brain dead I felt once I'd gotten home from work last night and how much I had been looking forward to a day off finally.

So today was the day off! I was supposed to be tidying up the study in an attempt to get some things shifted around in the lounge room so we can actually have a christmas tree up this year.

But I slept in for hours. I'm not complaining, I needed the sleep.

Then after the sleep in, we packed ourselves in the car off for a short trip to the shops. I bought some bits and peices, nothing exciting.

Then, I came home and attempted to set up DS1's computer to the internet. It didnt work. And somehow in the process I managed to stuff up the settings on the modem, so I can no longer connect to the net either. This is just freaking bonkers and I'm over it.

So I've spent money on cables and now, money on pre-paid credit for the wireless modem just to check my emails again. So now I have a non-working desktop, AND a non-working internet connection.

I'm going mad. Every time I try and fix something to do with these PC's it ends up failing dismally.


I'ts now half past 7 on my only day off and I've done nothing but fail all day. I'm going out to hang up the washing (which I only got half of done) and to water the vegies (which I haven't had time to weed and will no doubt die this week in the 35 degree heat that's forecast).

Then I'm coming back inside, to screaming kids and annoyed, still internet-less teenager. And I'm going to knit for a while, at least.

I know that's something that I can acheive. And fix if I stuff it up. And start again if I have to.

*sigh*

Thoughts on Religion

I am not religious.

I should point out at the outset of this post that I was raised Christian. I rebelled against Christian. For a long while I identified myself as pagan/wiccan. I havent' practised in a long time now.

I often feel a spiritual void in my life. Because there is that side of me that hasn't been addressed in all the hum-drum continual rushings to and fro of my everyday life.

This morning I have had an hour of contemplation and reading.

I should at this juncture put in place a different concept that I have been thinking about lately also - which is that of how I dress. From a purely practical perspective, I wear what I own in my cupboard. However, most of that is either not suitable for "office" work or not suitable for the stinking hot summers I can see heading my way and office work combined. So I have been contemplating what to do about that.
I will not wear stockings. No way no how. I loathe them, my skin loathes them, they are uncomfortable and plastic and horrid. I will not wear short skirts, and I LOATHE wearing pants in summer. Especially black pants in an un-airconditioned car for the hours-long drive in 38 degree heat that it will take me to get to work.
So I have been thinking about dresses and skirts. I usually stick to long, full, flowy hippy style skirts in summer with a t-shirt top on. But those skirts that I own are not suitable for office wear. So I've been thinking about dresses. And I pretty much can't stand most modern "maxi" dresses - they have too much shoulder and upper arm and boob sticking out.

I found a free pattern for a spiral skirt online the other day, and there was instructions in there for a top as well, to turn the skirt into a dress. It was what I consider to be a typical, american homesteading-style dress - slightly gathered sleeves just above the elbow, gathered (almost peasant style) neckline, lightly gathered high waist with the full flowing skirt under it. And I thought - yes. I can make that for work. I can make many for work. Not the height of current fashion - but then, why SHOULD I be the height of current fashion. I do not exist to impress others, I do not exist to be stared at, I am my own person. If I must fit the "neat and tidy" then that is what I shall do!


So , this led me naturally this morning to combining both a style of dress and a type of religious contemplation - and ended up with me on the website of the Adelaide Quakers.

The Society of Friends, they refer to themselves as. And although the US quaker sites are all pretty heavily religious from a strictly christian veiwpoint, the Adelaide site appears to be completely non-specific in it's theory.

One sits, in a room, with a group of other individuals, and one contemplates the divine. How one finds the divine may be spoken of, if one is led to speak. There would be, I do not doubt, heated intellectual conversation afterwards in regards to how everyone's experience of the divine differs.

But to all intents and purposes, the group appears to be joined by one main facet - the understanding that the divine is in everything, and approachable by everyone with no need for rules, requirements, labels, orthodoxy, noise, doctrine, texts, or speeches.

The divine is something one finds for oneself, in silence. One experiences for oneself, in whatever form happens to arrive. And one notices in everyday life, in those small silences, because it is simply there.

I like this. I like the concepts of this. I like to think that without the trappings of societal stress (clothing amongst quakers, btw is not set to anything at all - again, it's free for what one wishes to do. But I like the thought of having a simple style of clothing that I can wear that suits every occasion without me having to think about it. Kinda like the every-day jeans and a shirt that my husband wears. ) I too could find the divine in those occasional quiet moments, because I had opened myself up to the experience in an hour of contemplation during the week with like-minded individuals.

I wonder if I should find the time to go to a quaker meeting and contemplate.

Sadness and other stuff

So yesterday, my Aunt died.
I didn't know her all that well. But she was one of my mums very best friends. And her husband was Dad's best man at their wedding - 50 years ago. So they have known each other for a very long time, even though they live in a different state to us.

I have found, over the course of today, that my sadness seems to be not so much because she is dead, but because of the people who love her that are now greiving. I feel for my Mum and Dad, who have lost a life-long friend. And for my uncle, who has lost the love of his life. And my cousins, who have lost their rock.

I feel for them, and that makes me sad.

It makes me happy that she isn't around to keep living in the pain that she was suffering. I'm glad that she doesn't have to suffer with continued cancer treatments anymore. She would not have liked that.

I'm also happy that I didn't see her when she was sick. My last memories of her will be of a lovely, short little woman in full motorcycling leathers, hopping on the back of the big touring Honda that the two of them travelled around on. This is a good memory, and one I am glad I can hold on to.

Thoughts on Poverty

Sometimes I consider myself poor. We have a smaller income than the rest of my family. Much smaller.
We have a smaller income than the majority of our friends and acquaintances.

This doesn't make me feel like less of a person - I'm not one to judge others by the size of their wallet.

But over the years, I've held a mindset that says "If only we had more money........"

It's almost become an excuse for me not doing things around the house.

In all the changes that have happened here in the last 6 months, the "If only we had enough money to......." has changed itself around in my head. I can't work any more hours than I am working. I just physically can't do it. I'm driving 12 hours week to get to 45 hours a week of work. I have a day off with the family on Sundays (although I would do a market if there was one!) and I have a day when I got to spinning with my group (although I am kinda working then too because I always sell stock and take orders).

With these changes, the "If only we had enough money" has turned into "what can I do to GET more money". And the limiting factor of "nothing!" has made me feel inadequate again.


But there's more to it than that. Because my definition of 'poor' has changed. Instead of being "I wish we had enough money to" it's become "I wish we had the money so I didn't have to work so much"

Funny how the things I once thought we needed/wanted, have because superceded by the desire to just NOT WORK SO DAMN MUCH.

On a side note. My shed has had a deposit paid. The plan is to be submitted to council on Tuesday. Once it is here, then I might get a loungeroom back. That would be awesome.

I should add to the end of this post that I am more than well aware that the 'poor' that I'm talking about here is not, in the true scheme of the world, poor at all. That we have a house and cars and furniture, we have electricity and heat and clothing and food and we will never have to feel hunger or go without. That we are, in a more true sense of the word, rich beyond many people's imaginings. This post is coming from a place of white, australian priviledge. I can't apologise for that, because this is where I live.

If comparing my own circumstances to those around me who have more and labelling myself poor is offensive to those who have experienced true poverty, I do apologise. It is not my intention to cause offense.

Saturday off work

Today I have my first Saturday off work in 6 months.

I'd like to say it's because I'm planning a relaxing day at home and just decided i didn't need a day's worth of weekend loadings. The fact that I'm still in my pyjamas might add credence to that theory.

The truth is another matter.

I'm still in my pyjamas, because I got home at 2am this morning after sitting in hospital with my husband for a number of hours.

He went in yesterday afternoon after much insistance on my behalf, because he was suffering from intense pain, tingling and numbness in his left arm. It had been waking him up at night for the last week but yesterday morning it was coupled with some shoulder and chest pains and we were both becoming concerned about possible heart implications.

So he went to the local hospital and they did a chest xray and gave him some aspirin. then he waited for 4 hours to be taken in an ambulance to the larger hospital. They wouldn't let him drive himself down there.

I arrived at the big hospital about the same time he did and stayed there in Emergency while they hooked him up to a bunch of machines and took some blood for testing. It was a bit weird. He felt like he was taking up a bed for no reason but despite the stress I was very glad he was there! His cholesterol has been high lately and he's a type 1 diabetic so health issues can be complicated by that.

I did a little bit of knitting at his bedside (not much) and we chatted for ages. They finally told us they were admitting him to the Cardiac assessment unit. I followed them up to the ward and we got him settled in with a whole new bunch of monitors and whatnot.

I then went home - there was no room there for me to stay. Besides, I had left the kids asleep with Master 15 watching them so I really needed to be home for the wake up.


It appears at this stage that the rest of the tests they did overnight have come back ok. His arm still woke him up with lots of pain early this morning but it seems to be unrelated to his heart. They are going to put him o a treadmill soon and do a stress test just to be sure.

If it's not a heart thing, then they will release him sometime today. This will be good! On the other hand, it means we will have to get an appointment somewhere in order for them to find out exactly what the problem is, because he can't keep going with numb fingers and tingly bits and extreme pain in his arm! Especially as he is a leftie.


So I'm not having a relaxing day off. I'm recovering from the stress of yesterday. And I'm thanking every lucky star I have that it's NOT his heart at this point.

garden attempt number 60-gazillion

i go through phases with gardening. These phases revolve around things like - who is home that i can order around with a shovel, and how far do i have to carry the watering can before it all gets too hard.

They also revolve around things like the chickens eating them (potato patch 1, as an example), bugs and creepy things eating them (first grand tomato growing venture, with the horrid red mites and their even more horrid tomato viruses), and the sun generally cooking the daylights out of them.

Anyhow, i started another effort. I can't say today, because today was the planting and protecting from chickens part of the effort.

A few weeks ago the guinea pig hutch finally rotted into nothing. So they got a new house (smaller, metal and more portable!) and the old one was thrown away. Where the old one had been sitting was a pile of partially composted sawdust laced with guinea pig poo and straw. So I had handy shovel-bearing 15 yr old dug it through with some soil and water it, then mulch the spot with pea straw.

It rained a number of times after that. And I left it all there.

Today I weeded some grass out of it, happily planted out a bunch of vegie seedlings (all far too close together, but what the hell) and put a chook protector fence around it.

So although the million millipedes and earwigs and brown spiders that I disturbed today under that mulch might not be very happy, and might even wreak a terrible vengeance on me by eating my precious little plants, at least I tried.

I planted the things the kids asked for. So we have sugar snap peas, cherry tomatoes, multi-coloured capsicums, non-heading lettuces, lebanese cucumbers and strawberries. And for me - basil.

It's right near the water tank, so I might even remember to water it occasionally. It's near the back door, so that might help too. And the chook fence is actually the frame of a donated greenhouse - which makes for easy shading come stinking hot season.

I'll cross my fingers, and maybe we'll eat something out of the garden this year. Maybe!

Concepts of space and time

I did some maths earlier on in the week. According to my calculations, i spend approximately 20 hours a week - with my children.

For someone who started out her 'second family' firmly committed to making sure that her kids came first, that she would always be there and available for them whenever they needed her, I'm doing a pretty piss-poor job of it right now.

In the middle of doing all this calculating, it also occurred to me that I've been whining a hell of a lot. Something seems to have happened to the glass-half-full person that i used to be and I've turned into this narky, whining, complaining git who can't shut up about her problems.

So i've decided that I'm not going to blog a single thing unless the majority of my posts are positive. After all, they do say that your mind-set is what makes you who and what you are. So let's get on with the excellent, awesome stuff that does still happen in my life.

First - tomorrow is Adelaide Show Day. This is fantastic, because it means my kids have a day off school. And I get to spend the best part of that day with them! We are not going to the show, we are staying home in the morning, sleeping in, eating pancakes for breakfast and generally slothing around the place together. I think we will build some stuff with Lego.

In the afternoon we are heading just up the road to a friend's place for a little while. The kids will love having a play with other people's toys, and running around outside if it's not too wet. And i get to kick back, have a chai and catch up on some chats with a friend whom it feels like I haven't spoken to in a long time.

Then on Thursday, I start my new job. I'm really really excited about this one - I'll be working for my friend Jodie, cutting and shipping out orders and labelling and general sorting. It's a fabric business, so essentially I'll be in heaven *grin*. And Jodie is awesome so it'll be great to spend a bit of time with her!

So I have those two days, following today, when I went to spinning, sold a few bits and bobs and had a great time spinning up some luscious merino. I'm hoping to finish that merino tonight, and maybe even ply it - I shall have to take more photos for Ravelry (and maybe even here) because I've got a number of finished skeins now.

So yes, that is what is happening around here! Oh! And I finished the tax returns finally, so that's awesome too!

I want to start a new list

It's called - things I wish I had time for, but don't.

Alternatively, there's another list - things I want to be able to create for the business, but can't due to the above.

Or there's the - Things I wish I had the money to invest in my business but don't.


So.

Time list goes like this. (in no particular order)

1. Cut and sew up the projects bags that i've got the most AWESOME collection of prints for, and the best ever concept for, including locally-made handles in place.
2. Get the new loom made and cranking and make as many scarves as I can before scarf season is dead for this year - and even when it dies, keep going to reduce the stash and be super-prepared for next winter.
   
3. Weave up some BIG projects on the Knitter's Loom to have available for next winter too.
4. Dye some bamboo/tencel fibre and create some incredible blends to sell for summer spinning
5. Felt my wall hanging art. Hell, create then felt it. It's been a plan for a long time now...

1. Finish all those projects that other people are waiting for me to finish (I think this one should be number one but my brain isn't in order at the moment, so I have 2 number 1's. Sue me)
   

The money list goes like this.

1. Get studio built so all stock can be out of the house.
2. Get all those luscious yarns in that I really really want to sell.
3. Get the new wheels and looms in that I really really really want to sell.
4. Get some BIG collapsible posters printed for market stalls.

So. Um. Yeah.

I'd really like to do nothing but sit and spin and weave and CREATE all day. But that won't pay the bills, DH's job doesn't pay the bills, hence I work and even that doesn't pay the bills so I work two jobs which I HATE and they don't pay the bills so I take on a third job - and suddenly my entire life is just about working in jobs that I mostly can't stand to make money just to pay for the bare essentials of life that I sometimes wonder if we even need.

We don't live large. We don't go out, we don't have expensive cars, we don't have Foxtel or huge electricity bills or any personal loans or any credit card debt or ANYTHING like that.
We do have the internet, we have mobile phones. We have a smaller than average electricity bill, a smaller than average water bill, no gas bills, we conserve our firewood as much as we can in winter, we don't have air-conditioning in summer, we run our small car on gas so it's cheap. Our mortgage is pretty small compared to the national average - ok, maybe even tiny.

I look around me and I think - I'm not in a bad place. I don't have creditors knocking on my door. I don't have to panic every time the phone rings thinking someone is going to take something from me. We won't be repossessed or homeless.

Despite all this, I don't have a life that I can be proud of. I'm not enjoying my time on this planet. I'm hating the fact that I see my kids for approximately 20 hours out of the 168 that are available in every week. I'm hating the fact that every time I want to do something it gets interrupted by me having to go off to work.

Speaking of which - I have to go to work now. Blah

yet again, one finds oneself...

too busy to think. well, too busy to blog, anyway. I'm here in the 5 minutes I have remaining before I need to be elsewhere. Does that make any sense to anyone???

I'm off to spinning shortly. But first, a summation of the last few weeks. They have gone something like this - work, home, work, sleep, work, next work, sleep, work, work, sleep.

Get the picture???

I have done a bit of market research - as in, I've gone to check out a few Sunday markets to see if my things will fit in there. Sunday markets are fabulous. I want to do a few of the ones I have seen so far.

Also - I now have an EFTpos machine for the business. THis is good. But I will endeavour to do a proper business blog about that in the next few days. It opens up some possibilities that weren't - well, weren't possible!!! - previously.

I did a stall at the Adelaide Hills spinners and weavers camp last week - but that's another blog entry for the business really.

On a personal level - I've almost finished spinning all my hand-dyed sea-green, and will be plying that soon, possibly today. It's for my friend Karen's throw rug she commissioned ages ago. That's all I've been spinning for lately because I really want to get most of the spinning done before the weather turns hot and horrible. I can weave in summer, but spinning is really a winter sport.

I find myself feeling the urge to create things more and more lately - probably because I'm suffering from less and less time to do it in. I take some sort of project with me wherever I go, but the liklihood that I actually pick it up is getting slimmer and slimmer. If only I could knit whilst driving - I'm spending about 12 hours in the car every week getting to and from work!
But I think that could be an accident in the making.

I've looked at it from every angle - if I leave a bit earlier i can sit in the carpark and knit for 10 minutes - but that's 10 minutes of time I won't get to chat to my kids about school in the 1/2 hour a day I currently see them for. So I won't do that.

It will all come out in the wash, or something. It will even itself out, yeah? Good.

catch up time

I have had a few interesting experiences lately. It's been one of those things. Interesting times, the old Chinese proverb, all that.
Some of the "interesting" things have been just that. I saw a UFO the other day. A bona-fide, I have no clue what that unidentifiable flying object was type UFO. I was driving home from work, 9.30 pm, in the middle of a deserted dark country road, and a green cylindrical light lofted across the sky and down to the earth... somewhere. Very odd. No follow-up, no fireworks, nothing. Just that one single green tube of light, which then vanished.

Other interesting things have been more business related. I have been investigating new supplies so I can expand my range. It's not been going particularly well, as apparently, most companies in my industry prefer to deal with bricks n mortar stores, not online-only presences. So I've been struggling.

In the midst of all that is the sudden few vacancies of smaller store-front options in my town. Ive been doing maths and fiddling around with figures and attempting to decide what sort of leaps i could possibly make in order to have a storefront work without borrowing any money and without going under really quickly.

And i've been attempting to get myself set up with an EFTPOS machine (mobile GPRS) and looking into a regular market stall type option for increasing sales.

Throw in some knitting that I still haven't finished for a customer, and some spinning and weaving that I have barely started for another. The next nappy hunt which I'm now registered for and am suddenly realising I need to stock up for. The stall I have in 2 weeks which means I need labelling and stocktake done. The tax returns still not started. And the order that I went out on a limb for to get almost unknown stock in place and then have to quickly label and inventory as soon as it arrives - then photograph and list!

Told you times were interesting!

Apparently I am totally succeeding in my new job. I am not ENJOYING it, but I'm ticking all the relevant boxes in all the right places. And I'm getting told excellent things about my performance by the right people. I would like to feel good about this, would like to feel like my acheivements mean something, but because my heart is not in it I'm finding it a very hollow thing.

I have decided that until I can see a real option for the my own store, I'm going to stick it out despite the dislike. It gives me extra funds, now that DH is working, to spend stocking up the store. I have spent a bit so far. I'm very very tempted to spend a whole lot more over the next few weeks/months. Have to restrain myself and figure out where the best place to put the funds actually is.

The family needs two new cars, which is slightly annoying, but necessary. It's been a long time since we bought a decent car. We are the type of household who tends to repair and patch up the old cars we have rather than replace them, but all old cars get to a point where the patching is too expensive. So new car shopping is part of the future too. Oh, by new,I don't mean brand new! I just mean new to us.

SO yes, interesting times indeed.

School holidays

And so far, i've seen my dear kids only a couple of times.
It's been an interesting holiday break, to say the least. We've been trusting master 15 to look after the younger two, which is something I never honestly thought I would be comfortable with. But it seems to be working really well.
I miss my kids a lot at the moment. I'm just spending so much time either at work or travelling to and from work that it's taken over from any time I have with them. I'm finding it all a bit sad, but at the same time I'm on a rollercoaster that will eventually stop. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't HAVE to work as many hours as i'm doing right now. I know this. But at the moment, having the extra income is doing a lot for my peace of mind. I like the fact that i'm currently not struggling to pay bills, I'm ahead with my mortgage (albeit a tiny bit, but still!) and I've almost paid back the people whom I borrowed from earlier in the year when things went pear-shaped.

I'm also saving and investing in the business in a way that I wouldn't be able to do without this extra income. which is very exciting to me. I like that I can see positive things happening with the thing that i love - and beleive me, I can see it! time is the deciding factor now, not money. For the first time ever I can look at my business and say - YES! to a whole lot of new things that i've always wanted to do but never had the finances to cover.

So i'm giving myself a pretty strict time line at the moment. That is, by the end of this month I will have sorted ALL debts and bills. And by the end of the following month I will have arranged the new shed, saved a lot more money, and sorted out our disintegrating vehicle dramas.

By the end of the month after that, things will be looking much much brighter. And I may even be able to drop hours outside of the home and spend a lot more time doing business activities.

I can't wait for everything to eventuate! Well, i can - but you know what i mean. it's exciting!

Ali

It's finally happened!

I have a day off work. Tomorrow, I do not have to THINK about going to work AT ALL!!!

It feels like a miracle. It's been 30 whole days since this event has happened. No, not kidding. 30 days of going to work every single day.

So I was planning on having a heavy night on the booze with my husband, or at least having a few drinks, and then sleeping in tomorrow morning.

Of course, DH went to sleep. And I've been sitting here reading blogs and facebooking and reading online fiction and having a couple of ciders. And watching movies on the TV. So yeah.

I will sleep in tomorrow. If my children let me. And I might just fill up my day doing washing and catching up on household jobs. Or I might go out with them all. Who knows.

One thing I will most definetly NOT be doing - is going to work.

This is a good thing.

Motivations...

Have you ever considered what you motivation really is in life??

I have been wondering lately if my motivation for working all of these insane hours is really as transparent as I like to think it is.

You see, I've just signed up for even more hours at one job. Which means I'll be doing 45 hours a week across 2 jobs from the next fortnight until I go mad. It DOES mean I get to have Sundays off work for the first time in 2.5 years... but still. 45 hours?? Am I MAD??

I sit here and I justify it easily. It's easy for me to get the hours. I'm lucky that way. And as a family, we need money. We need to pay bills and mortgages. We need to eat. And I feel deep down that I want to be AHEAD, not just hanging on a week at a time.

But really. I have known exactly what I WANT to be doing in my life for a while now. And as time goes by, what I WANT to do becomes clearer and clearer to me. But for some reason, the decisions I'm making are taking me further and further AWAY from that dream instead of towards it.

I don't HAVE to do all these hours. If I dropped them back, the government with it's lovely assistance programs would make up enough of the difference that we could still pay our bills. I don't HAVE to be stressing myself out and exhausting myself.

I'm starting to think that part of the reason why I am is because I'm afraid. It's so much easier to immerse myself in working for "the man", making the dollars roll in in a way that I can not hold myself personally responsible for. I can't really FAIL at the jobs I have - I consider myself to be reasonably conscientious and I do what I'm told - so it's not my responsibility if the money stops coming, it's my employers.

However in my dream, I am my OWN employer. If the money doesn't come in - it's entirely MY fault. No matter how much I would LOVE to be living my dream, it will have pressures attached that mean I will have to make a certain level of income. The part of my dream that works right now is nowhere near close to making that level. So I'm afraid to throw in the towel on the things that ARE feeding us to take a huge risk on something that I love. In case I fail.

I do wonder if I'm cutting off my nose to spite my own face. Can I sucessfully keep up my current level of "the dream" activity whilst I'm doing 45 hour weeks out of the home? If I can't - then why am I doing that many hours?

Much to think about.

On the up

Just thought i'd pop in to say that things are looking much better all round. I am starting to enjoy the new job although we are still in the training phase so that could change! And DH has found another position too, which is even better really.

So i'm feeling positive. Which is nice, because it's been a shocking few weeks.

that's all I have to say, really!

New things to learn

So I went to Bendigo, and it wasn't all it was supposed to be.
I did learn a few great things about myself, and my dreams, which I must blog at some point.

I am here today just to remind people that I am still alive and still kicking, even though I'm pretty much vacant.

I started another job on Monday night and the learning curve is going to be ludicrously steep for the next four weeks. Throw the existing job on top of that, plus all the hours I am trying to get on top of that too, and you will begin to build up a picture in your minds of what is going on in mine.

I am not feeling brilliant about everything right now and every time someone says something at the new job about sadness or generosity or unhappiness or ... anything really.. I am finding myself fighting off tears.

I really do hope that's more about my current state of mind and lack of sleep than anything to do with the job itself, because I'm going to really struggle if it's the job. I NEED this job. I NEED to do well in it. Without it my family cannot afford to eat right now. So yeah. NO MORE CRYING OVER STUFF... Mmmmok???

What a week it's been

Interviews and applications for both of us, and so much work still left to do!
Had a second interview for a spot today, I'm feeling somewhat ambivalent about how I went for some reason. I wonder if it's because one of the interviewers was a man this time? I don't know. I react differently to men, so perhaps that was it.

All told it's been a ludicrously hectic few weeks. The worst, so to speak, is yet to come. I've got only two days now before I leave for Bendigo and although I am very excited, I'm also insanely nervous and mildy panicing about my abilities to get everything finished in time.

Thankfully i have managed to hook up the laser printer to the desktop so I can now print out my brochures. As long as the toner cartridges hold out, at least.

Speaking of which - I must go and do that right now.

ups and downs

Last night I had an entire blog post written in my head. It was a pretty negative one, with lots of focus on the negative stuff that has been going on here lately.

This morning I can only remember fleeting bits of it. This is a GOOD THING - it certainly shows what a decent nights sleep can acheive on one's state of mind.

So far today I have knitted up a lot of wool for felting later on this afternoon, and turning into slippers of some kind even later on than that. I have taken reciept of a HUGE delivery of fleecey goodness, which all needs to be bagged up into the right size receptacles, and priced and tagged and barcoded accordingly.

I have been confirmed for another job interview this time on Wednesday, which is OK. I wish these things weren't all the way in town though. Seems like such a long way to go from here.

You see, DH was the proud??? owner of an unexpected redundancy at work last week. As he was employed on a casual basis, it has left us in the lurch with no money for the next few weeks. So we have both been madly applying for jobs to try and get ourselves out of trouble.

Of course, Bendigo is still going ahead. I have put too much work and spent too much money in that direction to make missing it even worth a look in. The order that arrived today is evidence of that - I have to pay that bill yet. So we are going to sell out in Bendigo and come home happy little campers.

DH has a job interview Wednesday too. This is a good thing also. I am pleased that after being summarily dumped from the company he has worked for for the last 22 years, he seems to be reasonably content to get straight into applying for new opportunities rather than wallowing in misery.

I was very miserable last night but I am putting that behind me today and just getting on with stuff, damn it. So yeah, that's it

Thinking about simple living...

I'm pretty sure I read somewhere not that long ago, an argument by someone on the web, pushing for the rich/poor type of world economy that we have now. Pushing perhaps for a more feudal system.

Why? Because their argument was based on human intelligence requiring TIME. They were pretty much saying that if it wasn't for the inception of a system where some people are brow-beaten into doing the menial labour of washing/growing food/cooking/childrearing/building etc, then we would NEVER have developed the technological things we have today - simply because with an "every man supplies his own needs' type philosophy, there isn't enough TIME in the day to get over the humps of providing and have time to think and dream and create new ideas and get them to fruition.

Now, I'm an avid reader of fantasy, as anyone who knows me will be able to confirm. I love it. I love my books. I love reading about kings and queens - but more-so, about the little everyday people who leave their rutabaga patches and go on awesome life journeys to discover skills they never thought they had and change their entire existence.

That is fantasy however. For every single human being who wants to uproot themselves from wherever they are and go on a life-changing journey there are costs, and sometimes, the costs are too high.

So I ask you this - are the costs of our modern-day conveniences, the ease at which I can disseminate this very blog post out to the world, while a machine does my washing and another machine cooks my dinner and other people teach my children and somewhere, someone is growing the food I'm going to eat tomorrow, - are those costs WORTH the price? The price happens to people in other countries that I don't have to see. I never have to notice how they slave away every single day to produce the rice I'm eating for dinner tonight. I never have to see the tiny fingers that get horribly disfigured in the factories that make the clothes I'm wearing.

And I will never ever see the generations of people who have had nothing of their own for thousands of years because they were too busy with life to do the 'thinking' that provided us with all the benefits to start with.

Is all this cost worth it? We may have intellectually made more gadgets than we can think of uses for, but have we completely missed the point? All those people who lived in the fields doing back-breaking manual labour all day every day whilst being paid practically nothing in physical terms - they are the price we have paid to be where we are today.

I wonder what they thought. I wonder what their reward was. They lived. They pushed on regardless. And sometimes when I sit outside after doing some achey work of my own, something raw and earth connected, like washing fleeces by hand (none-the-less with the aid of hot water on tap, not having to cart it from a well miles away and boil it to get hot over a fire...) I think that whoever it was that said all that stuff was wrong.

Because it's when our hands are occupied with the manual labour of everyday tasks, when we are busy creating something from the raw materials we have, THAT'S when our brains are free to wander and think and create ideas. It's like there's a switch in there that turns on the imagination while our other side of the brain is busy working on what our hands are doing.

I wonder if there's research somewhere about how many of history's amazing discoveries were actually attributed to upperclass people when in fact it was the gardener toiling away in the potato patch with his hoe whose imagination leapt from there into the horse-drawn plow.

today's excitement

So I havent' blogged in a while. Been very very busy madly crafting for the May fair, and also working as many shifts as possible to cover the other expenses.
Today being Friday is the LOOOOOOONG shift day. So I came home to some aching aching feet and a need to do something relaxing, like, well, sleep!

But! There were parcels and parcels galore at my house. Much excitement! Some of it I knew was coming, like the cellophane bags I ordered to pack product into. And the wool I ordered to knit up into felted elf slippers. And.... another thing. But that will be in a moment.

I also got a very very suprise package. The posted date on it was the 3rd of December, LAST YEAR. It took a while to get here! Must've gotten lost in the mail.

Anyhow, it was a birthday present from my Mum inTassie. It had a fabulous hand-dyed felt needle-book, and an awesome preserving book. Very exciting indeed!

The other package that I knew was coming but is still very exciting was my new spinning wheel. I finally bought myself an Ashford Double-treadle Joy. It's the portable, fold up spinning wheel and it's just PERFECT. I set it up very quickly (it's very easy to do!) and have been playing already. I'm very very happy with it. My current wheel needs to be treadled rather fast to keep moving and it's difficult for me to spin on because i'm not really practised enough to go that fast. This one is easy as pie to treadle slowly yet keep itself going. So i've spun up a quarter of a jumbo bobbin full and am hoping to do more later on tonight. I know I should really be making things for May, but I think after a 10 hour shift at work I can have some time off, yeah??

good, I thought so LOL

Conspiracy theories

So I'm sitting here listening to the TV. It's making this odd noise - becomes more and more noticeable as the volume gets lower. It's like a subsonic very fast-paced drumming, thumping along underneath everything, a deep sound that gets into my bones and irritates the heck out of me.

It's a sound I've never heard before from our TV.

The thing that has changed is that our TV is now running through a digital set-top box kindly donated by the IL's. I have no clue why a digital box would make this noise come through the speakers when it never did before. When the TV runs on analog, you can't hear it. And when you are listening/watching DVD's, you can't hear it.

So me being me, I'm listening to this thumping and wondering why it's the newest technology that's causing the weirdness. I start to wonder what else they are transmitting along this digital signal. What are they thumping along through that multitude of new digital signals that this magic little box is picking up.

Anyone else out there into conspiracy theory fiction? Coz I've got an inkling of a novel idea....

Freakin out all over

Today, after discovering a MONUMENTAL stuff up, I spent most of my time driving around frantically searching for a product which unfortunately, no longer exists.

Part of my frantic-ness had me ending up at Marion shopping centre. Yes, Marion, on the first official day of the school holidays. OMG. *remember to breathe*

So we found a park without too much stress from the idiots right up my rear end. We managed to extricate ourselves from the car and the lure of junk food on the way in without too many complaints, and the small beings happily held hands for me so I didn't have to panic about losing them in the crowds.

I managed to go the wrong way to get to our destination not once but twice. We still didn't find exactly what I wanted. And to top it all off - I got lost 4 (that's right, four!) times on the way back to the car. It took my middle child to tell me that I was going the wrong way, and that we needed to go 'over there mummy, we came in past that subway right there'.

In the midst of all this, with 2 excited young children, I made the inevitable mistake of looking down at the lower storey, and immediate recall of almost every blockbuster or even b grade disaster movie landed in my head. I'm almost running along, pulling 2 kids behind me, convinced that any second now all those columns are going to crack and fall down and we are ALL GOING TO DIE goddamnit, without me ever touching the earth again. That we would be entombed in some disgusting concrete and steel pylon jungle and what is left of us couldn't even help a tree grow.

I really really hate big shopping centres. Really hate them. Can't freaking stand them.
Someone needs to build a teleporting machine for me so I can buy stuff I need online and have it arrive RIGHT NOW.

Or maybe I just need to get more organised.

I can already tell that I'm going to be the type of mother who seriously embarrasses her teenage kids by getting lost everywhere she goes and needing help to get out. But then - I don't get lost when I can see the sky. So maybe I'll be OK.

Thinking thinking thinking

About all sorts of things, but mostly about the nature of relationships and work.
There's this theory that one needs to work hard at keeping relationships going and heading in the right direction, along the same track. That being in any type of relationship is hard work, because it's about individuals melding their desires into one cohesive sort of whole.

But I'm beginning to question the wisdom of such thinking. Is it sensible and sane to throw your heart and soul constantly into relationships that simply do not improve, that don't seem to get any better? It's exhausting work, and there seems to be no return on it.

I understand that relationships are a trade off between what you believe the final result will be worth, compared to the effort that you are expending to get there. Or am I being far too 'capitalist' with my thoughts? Am I treating a relationship experience with the jaded attitude of a business person? Trading profit versus loss in an emotional sense?

And if I am - is that wrong? Surely the point of life is happiness, and the point of relationships is to share that happiness with people in a way that engenders MORE happiness?

Challenges arise on every path, but if there are nothing BUT challenges, is that path worth pursuing?

Much thinking to do here. And probably much more rambling as I think. You might have to bear with me on this one.

whaddya know, martha stewart is right!

I have some eggs. I have some 100% silk ties. I have a saucepan.
And now, I have a new addiction.....

How cool do they look?? Genuine easter eggs for a change. And edible - the kids will be munching out on them all day tomorrow. Ok, so it will be a bit sad to see that lovely patterning disappear - but OH! so happy about this!

Weird vertigo-nesss

or ... vertiginousness...
or something.

A few months ago, I was driving to work one morning and as I drove along, something really odd happened. It was like, the entire world had just picked up and shunted itself sideways. My vision went off in a truly bizarre manner and for a moment I thought someone had run the light next to me and had pushed my car sideways, very quickly, just without the impact.

It had me running scared for a week. I thought I was going nuts. I hadn't swerved, I hadn't crashed, no one had hit me. I was fine. But the world had literally (it seemed) moved a giant step sideways and i had been left behind for a moment. Or something.

It happened again today. I was driving again (different car this time) and was minding my own business, looking ahead as per usual, watching out for hazards, you know, the stuff you do when you are driving. And then the world picked itself up and shunted sideways.

It's a very very disorientating feeling. I don't know what it means, or if it means anything. I can't remember the circumstances surrounding the last time, I don't know if I was stressed or hungry or anything. I do know that without a doubt, both times there has been NO alcohol and NO drugs of any type whatsoever in my system.

I have been very stressed out lately and I do confess that I think I've been making it worse for myself than is absolutely necessary. I'm getting bogged down by the weight of the things I feel I need to do, rather than stepping back and just doing them one little bit at a time, like I should.

I wonder if that's got something to do with it.

It's rather frightening. I hope it doesn't happen again. And no, there's no time or money in this place right now for me to go to a doctor to get it checked out. Not a single tiny cent. If there was, I'd be getting my 6 years overdue pap smear next week, wouldn't I.

Somebody needs to buy a half a dozen spinning wheels from me. Then I can afford to go to the doctor.

Linking today

I wanna blog this article (thanks very much to Sonya from permaculture pathways for making me aware of it!)

It's old, but it's just awesome.

Here and read the bit by Clay Shirky. I like it, I like it a lot. A revolution that's there without being a revolution.... *grin*

Oh, and OK, so I like gin too, but that's not the point!

I have taken over the house

There is a bathtub full of fleece, a bathroom full of bags of fleece, a kitchen full of dinner cooking, a study full of paperwork and computing and a lounge room draped in both crates of market goodness and fabric galore from my cutting so far today.

What this means is - I'll have a cranky DH when he gets home. So really, I should go and make the bed. Because that's the LEAST I can do, right? Give him ONE room in the house that he can walk into that's not a complete disaster. Where he can put his feet up and relax a little.

Oh, and I better get the trail of clothing out of the hallway too. And the towels off the laundry floor.

Today I have not quite achieved as much as I would like to have done. I've really only got one lot of fleece washed (not one fleece, one lot of fleece, which is 4 basketfuls, which is not very much compared to an entire fleece) and although I've cut out MOST of my nappy order, I really wanted to finish the cutting today. Perhaps I'll do some more tonight. I really need a cutting table that's a bit higher than the card table I'm using in the lounge room, I find I'm bending too far and my upper back is hurting right now. But the show must go on, and if it continues to be a pain I'll trace around the bits that are left to cut and give the sewing scissors a work-out instead.

Right. Make bed, clear hallway. I shall be off!

The last few days

I have not blogged.
Mostly because I've been way too busy! Quick run-down:

Work. Day off cleaning house. Work. Day solving a customer's nappy drama (ended in a nice order and a vote of confidence in my product that i really needed!), delivering to another customer, fixing a friend's computer, and more house cleaning.

Evening madly entering stock into the new databse/POS system, trying to make sure it's all going to work properly. Packing stock into crates and stressing.

Day of madness - market set-up, loads of chatting and listening and learning. Properly inducted into the spinners and weavers group. I have a fabulous felted sheep badge, it's very exciting. Tempted to wear it to work tomorrow LOL. Then we had market pack up, home to get kids from school, FIL arrived for the afternoon while I fiddled with more invoicing and to-do lists and emails and all sorts. Borrowed carder from spinning to card up the fleece I have here (phew) faster but now my lounge room smells like fleece. FIL stayed for dinner (his shout - thanks!) and then toddled off to his hotel. More carding and carding...

Today however, I did have a rest. Of a sort, anyway. I was driven into town by jarrod - and we went to see Spiral Dance at the Brecknock. After all, it's st Pat's day! I drank a few guinnesses, and listened to some fabulous live music, and it was all good. Then, home, kids, dinner. The usual. ran some more fleece through the carder.

Tomorrow I'm working all day. Not a normal working day but i've got bills coming out of my ears so I best get the cash where I can. Then work on Friday, and i have to haul all my fabric out for sample photos on Saturday. hopefully I don't get lost in the colours!

So today was...

A day of doing nothing.

Well, that's what it felt like. WE did shopping, for a certain little fella's up coming birthday. We didn't find what we wanted, which is a real shame because it's stuff he's wanted for at least 6 months now! So I'm hoping I can find it between now and then!

Shopping is very boring for me, unless it's online fabric shopping - so I try not to do it that often at all.

I do have to point out that recently some of the differences in my little children are becoming clearer.

One of them burst into tears the other day because I wouldn't let him watch the end of Sister Act 2. He seems to thoroughly enjoy the music.

The other one refers to the 3 crazy blokes from "top Gear" as "those men who know lots of stuff". Rev-head in the making, do you think? I'm not truly sure, but you never know!

In the meantime, I am frantically knitting a pair of shoes. Yes, shoes. I was hoping to have them finished and felted by tomorrow night but seriously at this point I'm totally dreaming. They will be finished very soon though - and I will take photos. Oooer the first ever photos on this particular blog. How very exciting!

At some point I am hoping to figure out how to import all the past blog entries from my old LJ over to here. One day I will get it sussed.

But yet again, the knitting is calling my name rather loudly, so I will return in a few days. I have an exciting concert thingy to go to tomorrow night after work so hopefully I will get some photos of that on my phone too.

Payson Canyon

Payson Canyon

It might be heavy on the downloads, and HOPELESS on dial-up - but OMG. Colour!!!!!

Here's an inspiration for the next dyeing day - autumn fleeces coming up!

Tuesday spinners

I had a lovely time at Spinner's group today.

We did felting with ... wait for it... electric sanders LOL yep, and it was noisy and FUN!

Once my project is dry I shall take photos of it and post them up here.

I also finished a knitting project that will be for the May craft fair. At least I can honestly say I've completed ONE item.

At the moment there are 5 baskets of alpaca fleece soaking out their dirt in my bathtub. I'm hoping I'll get at least another 10 through the system, and have them attempting to dry overnight and all through tomorrow. I really want to get it all washed and lined up ready so that when I'm at Kathy's on Thursday I can just spend all day standing in front of the drum carder, feeding fleece through it.

I'd really like to try dyeing some of the alpaca too, so perhaps I'll do that at Kathy's as well. It would be nice, anyway!

There's going to be lots of stalls at next week's spinning and they've asked me to come along with as much stuff as I can find about the place. Hopefully I sell lots and even more hopefully, get lots and lots of orders! I need them - have to keep churning over the funds so I can pay for this craft fair.

Teenagers

So tonights conversation went something like this... (N= 15 yrs, M=me)

N: WHY do I have to help with dinner?

M: Because I asked you to, your 15, and surely you can take a few minutes away from your playstation to help out.

N:Fine

M: Don't eat the raw bacon, it's not good for you

N: I've eaten it plenty of times before, it's fine!

M: ( sotto voce) Ahhh, so that's what's wrong with you

N: Look, do you want me to help or not?

M: Do you want to eat tonight?

N: Not particularly

M: Fine, go away then.

N: Fine. (storms off)


That's my household for you.


On another note. Today I did NOT get the other pair of school pants sewn. I did however, go to Bunnings in the pouring rain and did NOT find what I wanted to purchase.

And I am now going to leave the PC and knit again. SO there.

Bad Hostess

Bad Hostess

Yes I'm linking to another blog. Because, well, it's cool

Some reading for you all on a public holiday Monday.

Defac!

Yep.

Well, that was the highlight of my day.

Kathleen (at work) must've been feeling somewhat dyslexic, because she wrote 'defac' on a customers' coffee cup instead of 'decaf'

It had us in hysterics for a long while - quite possibly longer than the hilarity actually warranted, but then, it is a Sunday afternoon. Sunday afternoons at work can get like that - kinda screwed up. It might have something to do with the energy drinks I somehow consume every sunday arvo at work. I know I shouldn't drink them, I'm totally hypocritical to my kids and won't let THEM have any - but by a Sunday arvo i NEED something to keep me going. And the coffee just doesn't cut it.

Anyhow, I'm home now. Didn't finish as much knitting as I wanted to last night, but it's the premier of "V" tonight on tv *yay!* so I'm planning on knitting in front of the box tonight!

I wonder how long this new sci-fi series will get before they can it and I'm doomed never to know what happens.

Maybe one day we'll actually be able to get ADSL2 here, and then I can afford enough downloads to watch my US shows on the PC. How nice would that be!

Hangover hilarity

This morning was hilarious.

I wasn't hungover - but both the workmates were. I walked in the door at 8 (covering a friends' shift as I usually don't work Saturdays any more) to see two very bleary-eyed young fellas blinking at me rather owlishly.

I had a rather amusing morning teasing them about the whole scenario!

Then I came home and attempted to achieve stuff. I traced round a pair of Declan's old pants and ended up with a pair of new ones from some lovely cotton drill I bought from the Crafty Mamas site here.

They will be for school for the next few weeks, as it is starting to get too chilly for shorts, but definetly still too warm for polar fleece or tracksuit material. The last pair of drill school pants that he had, he tore through the knee in no time, so I put an extra two layers over the knee section of these.

There were a few mistakes in them - they ended up not needing an elastic waist-band as they fit rather well without it - this is good now, but if he gets a bigger bum in the near future they will not go over it! So when I make the next pair (tomorrow night for Rory I think) I will have to cut the top of the back pieces wider and keep the waistband part quite a bit longer.

Generally speaking, when it's stuff I'm sewing for home I'm lazy and I cheat as much as is humanly possible. So although I could have done two patch pockets, I did one. And although I should have double-layered the pocket flap, I short hemmed it instead. And although really I should have overlocked the inside seams, I just couldn't be bothered LOL

Regardless, Declan has pants. I have a basic pattern that works and only needs a small modification.

And I feel like I have actually achieved something this afternoon.

Tonight, I am determined to finish one, possibly two knitting projects. And maybe spin something. Maybe.

Tomorrow is a full day at the slave-market so there will be nothing achieved there other than a sense of impending doom.

and yet another day

it all kinda blew up last night and I've spent my morning so far tip-toeing around the house trying not to have to look at or talk to DH. I won't go into details on this, given it's a public blog and there's that whole thing about dirty laundry and all that - but I'm already having a bad morning, simply because I had a bad night.
Thought you might wanna hear that, anyway.

Finishing tomatoes, cleaning the kitchen, taking some photos and uploading, and possibly doing some sewing - these are the things that are happening today. Then this arvo I'm off to Kathy's to pick up some stuff I left there last time and drop off some sauce, a few cucumbers and a peice of zuchinni. There may have been something else I was supposed to take but I've forgotten it already.

It's March, obviously

So the March flies are here. Quite possibly the first time that I've noticed them 'in season' so to speak.

I don't like flies. I don't like them inside my house, especially. And march flies are a particularly heinous type of fly. I think they may be intending to take over the world.

There is something overtly malevolent about the march fly. It has a very deliberate flight, slow and steady and more often than not, in a straight line - towards your face. Either that or it's flying low, around your knees, again in that deliberate fashion that makes you wonder if it's thinking about tripping you up somehow.

Yes, I know it's a fly. But it has deep red eyes, and 'hums' rather than 'buzzes'. It has INTENT and a slow, solemn depth to it's flight through my house. I want to squash it but I end up running in the opposite direction - and more often than not, it follows me.

They give a nasty bite, you know. Nasty painful nasty, with a lump that will itch for days as a follow-up.

I wonder if by anthropomorphising a fly, I'm allowing some sort of strange insight into my own psyche?


When my husband comes home he will get out the fly swatter and go on a hunt for the nasty critter. He will also get the 3 blowies and half a dozen black house flies that made it inside as the kids did their running in and out earlier. My house will be fly-free again.

Quantum procrastination.

I'm blogging because my dishes need doing and those tomatoes are YELLING at me from the dining room. Oh, and there's washing that needs to be hung out. So what else does a blogger need? A distraction, obviously.

Last night I had a distraction. Somehow I got onto quantum physics. (Actually, I remember how. A friend on Facebook joined the Deepak Chopra Australia group, so I followed that through to some transcendental meditiation stuff, and onwards to quantum mechanics. Stream of consciousness, much??)

I didn't do physics at school. I did Biology (well) did chemistry (so-so) and attempted maths. That's where I fall down. Maths is not good for me, or to me. Maths hates me, actually. My brain sees numbers, it freezes up into a some kind of ultra stupid moment and simply won't work from then on.

Words are another matter entirely. I LIKE words. Words are my friends.

So I start googling around, trying to find a suitably wordy explanation for quantum mechanics and physics and anything quantum related, that would help me to understand it without the need for weird formulas with NUMBERS (not to mention other odd things like greek letters) in them.

I found a couple of hints. I think I have what can only be described as a VERY BASIC grasp of the theory behind it all. Lots to do with waves and particles and how things can be BOTH at the same time, as well as different aspects as different times. The word 'probability' popped up a lot.

My understanding of probability goes a little something like this "buy this lottery ticket and tomorrow when you don't win anything you will probably be ashamed that you wasted your money". Obviously, every now and then the probability of shame doesn't preclude me from wasting said money. Happens about once every 6 months round here.

But yes, back to the quantum thing. I can tell what you are all thinking - why would I bother reading up on quantum mechanics in the middle of the night when my brain is exhausted. Hell, why would I bother at all? Not like I'm going to NEED it, right?

Well, yes and know. I do occasionally fancy myself as a bit of a writer. Generally, I stick to the tried and true - crappy romances, or fantasy writing. Fantasy writing is good. Fantasy writing has MAGIC - this means I don't even need a pseudo-reasonable explanation, my characters can do the impossible JUST because of that label. I LIKE magic.

However, sometimes I am called upon to read (and very occasionally inspired to write) sci-fi. Sci-fi still has awesome 'magic' in it - but it's got to have the relevant techno-babble. And IMO, for it to work properly, it needs SOME modicum of truth in it - otherwise it aint really sci-fi, it's fantasy again.

Hence - quantum mechanics.

I still need to do a lot more reading on it before I'd ever be able to write anything about it or even including it. But I'd like to think that last night's efforts have put me in a better place for next time I find an e-zine with a short story that involves black holes.

Maybe.

Today

Swimming again. Wonder who I'm getting a lift with this time. Hopefully I'll be getting a lift anyway, silly car chews through so much fuel it's ridiculous.
Starting to wonder if it needs some exhaust attention. However.... I'm broke so it's probably pointless.

I'm on the verge of phoning up centrestink today and asking them if I could re-adjust our family payment level. We get our family payment on the very very base rate of only one sort, and then have a nice lump sum land on us at tax time. While this is good and well, my craft fair is BEFORE tax time - and I'm struggling to get the money put aside so that I can actually buy the stock I'll need to take with me!

Also, the insurance thing came yesterday. I did forget to ask them if it can be paid monthy. Right now they want the full sum within 7 days. Bah! Like I can find that much money in 7 days! Why is it that the minute you say "business" everyone assumes there is a whole pile of cash just lying around waiting to be spent??

Must be like the word "wedding". Attracts greed or something.

I need coffee. Ciao

Yowsers I'm Tired

It was a day that has somehow left me longing for my bed already, and it's only 8.30.

So today I did the swimming thing (another half a lesson happy half a lesson crying his eyes out for Rory) and then I did the spinning thing (half a kids poncho knitted and yet again, a HUGE appreciation for our older population felt. They are all so giving of their knowledge!) and then I did the school pickup thing and the tomato thing and the dinner thing.

And now - I'm knackered.

I think having the period belly from hell isn't helping. Blah I hate hate hate it. (Yes, I'm whinging.) Damn painful, it is.

I did go and spend some of my paypal savings on some new mama fluff though. Which is good because some of my trusty faithfuls aren't so trustworthy anymore. I seem to be having dramas with wicking through seam lines. And really, if one has these dramas with a little bub in nappies, it's a PITA - but it's just not the same when one has these dramas with a mamapad and one is out in public. It's never fun to be flashing a large red stain on one's clothing.

I could obviously sew my own but quite frankly I'm about as motivated to do that right now as I am to climb Mt Everest. Aint gonna happen. Not until this nappy hunt, and this database update, and this big craft fair, and possibly this entire year is over. Hell, I might have time to do it once menopause sets in - but then I'll probably be sewing incontinence pads.

I think I should probably go now before this becomes a long rant that has little purpose.... oops! Too late!

mah belly

Mah belly, she wants to kill me!

That's about it, really.
Now i'm going to stop complaining, get the children out of bed, and make some coffee. And then see if I can squeeze in some quick Mama pad shopping before it's time to go to swimming, then spinning, then pick them up again !

Kids Swimming

That was fun - NOT
This year was Rory's time to be a sad, miserable little fellow at swimming. Last year he was in kindy and went along as a addition because, well, if I went anywhere, he came too. And Last year, Declan stood in the pool and cried and cried as the teacher asked him to put his face in the water and blow bubbles.
This time, Rory cried. Although not quite in the same way as Declan, obviously. He dropped his bottom lip, looked away from everyone else, and just stood there immersed in misery for the last half of the lesson.

On the way back to help them get dry and dressed, he started to cry for real. His lip was sooo droopy it almost touched the floor.

Once he had a towel around him and a good cuddle he was better, so I asked him why he was crying. I was expecting a "I don't want to get my face wet" kind of answer - but instead, I got a "I couldn't do it right!" followed by more lip dropping and more tears.

It always amazes me how two small children from the same parents, born so close together, can still be such complete opposites. And it astonishes me how often I mis-judge the poor things.

Glad that he wasn't crying due to water fear issues though. That's always a good thing.


PS there will never ever be any photos of my kids on this blog. DH is a bit anti putting photos of the kids up anywhere - so yeah, no pics of children. I will randomly upload pics of flowers and scenery and other cool stuff though. I like taking photos - even though I'm pretty crap at it, and I just use a glorified version of a point-and-shoot for them.
I think maybe it's because I SEE things that I think will make great art images - but I don't have the technical skills to capture them properly on film, or paint them or draw them or anything like that.
I wish I could turn pictures into music. Perhaps I should practise on that violin more often.

Self-sabotage

I wonder, does anyone else do this?
I've been doing it all day today. There have been so many things that I was supposed to be doing, things I really NEEDED to be doing, things that were supposed to be done before bed tonight, because they HAD to be ready in the morning.

I spent most of the day faffing about, I made pasta sauce, started this blog, caught up on my blog reading, chatted on facebook, researched random things on the net.

Now it's bed time. I've done TWO of the many many things I was supposed to do today. And there isn't the chance for me to do anymore, because I did forget about the kids swimming lessons in the morning. Which I have to go to, because really, my boys won't cope without help after swimming to get dry and dressed - they are only little. But it's EVERY SINGLE MORNING this week.

I've got, thanks to my lack of motivation today, a dozen things to finish sewing, 30 -odd articles of clothing to iron, 40 plus things to photograph. A bag of OTHER things to photograph to retrieve from where I somehow accidentally left them. Or find them if I didn't leave them there - I'm not sure which it is right now! And then they all need listing online once I've figured out all these new product option thingies that my store software snuck in while I wasn't looking.

The true crux of this matter is - I do this EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Every time I have a deadline, an important event, a potential-to-make-money thing happen, I sabotage it. I don't know why. I know I don't want to be working at the dive for the rest of my life, I know I want to make this thing I'm doing develop and end up providing an awesome income - but I keep shooting myself in the foot.

My foot now hurts. And I'm tired. I wish I knew why I keep doing this to myself.

Tomorrow I will get up early, do another job or 2 before swimming, and see if I can actually acheive stuff. Hopefully.

This one is a new one

For those who used to follow me on LJ, blogger has taken over. Because I like having blogs all in the one place. So there.

Follow me or don't, it matters not. (Yoda moment there!)

But this is where all the insane ramblings that don't fit under the Craft Alley umbrella or the Preserving umbrella will go.

When I remember to ramble here, that is.