Concepts of space and time

I did some maths earlier on in the week. According to my calculations, i spend approximately 20 hours a week - with my children.

For someone who started out her 'second family' firmly committed to making sure that her kids came first, that she would always be there and available for them whenever they needed her, I'm doing a pretty piss-poor job of it right now.

In the middle of doing all this calculating, it also occurred to me that I've been whining a hell of a lot. Something seems to have happened to the glass-half-full person that i used to be and I've turned into this narky, whining, complaining git who can't shut up about her problems.

So i've decided that I'm not going to blog a single thing unless the majority of my posts are positive. After all, they do say that your mind-set is what makes you who and what you are. So let's get on with the excellent, awesome stuff that does still happen in my life.

First - tomorrow is Adelaide Show Day. This is fantastic, because it means my kids have a day off school. And I get to spend the best part of that day with them! We are not going to the show, we are staying home in the morning, sleeping in, eating pancakes for breakfast and generally slothing around the place together. I think we will build some stuff with Lego.

In the afternoon we are heading just up the road to a friend's place for a little while. The kids will love having a play with other people's toys, and running around outside if it's not too wet. And i get to kick back, have a chai and catch up on some chats with a friend whom it feels like I haven't spoken to in a long time.

Then on Thursday, I start my new job. I'm really really excited about this one - I'll be working for my friend Jodie, cutting and shipping out orders and labelling and general sorting. It's a fabric business, so essentially I'll be in heaven *grin*. And Jodie is awesome so it'll be great to spend a bit of time with her!

So I have those two days, following today, when I went to spinning, sold a few bits and bobs and had a great time spinning up some luscious merino. I'm hoping to finish that merino tonight, and maybe even ply it - I shall have to take more photos for Ravelry (and maybe even here) because I've got a number of finished skeins now.

So yes, that is what is happening around here! Oh! And I finished the tax returns finally, so that's awesome too!

I want to start a new list

It's called - things I wish I had time for, but don't.

Alternatively, there's another list - things I want to be able to create for the business, but can't due to the above.

Or there's the - Things I wish I had the money to invest in my business but don't.


So.

Time list goes like this. (in no particular order)

1. Cut and sew up the projects bags that i've got the most AWESOME collection of prints for, and the best ever concept for, including locally-made handles in place.
2. Get the new loom made and cranking and make as many scarves as I can before scarf season is dead for this year - and even when it dies, keep going to reduce the stash and be super-prepared for next winter.
   
3. Weave up some BIG projects on the Knitter's Loom to have available for next winter too.
4. Dye some bamboo/tencel fibre and create some incredible blends to sell for summer spinning
5. Felt my wall hanging art. Hell, create then felt it. It's been a plan for a long time now...

1. Finish all those projects that other people are waiting for me to finish (I think this one should be number one but my brain isn't in order at the moment, so I have 2 number 1's. Sue me)
   

The money list goes like this.

1. Get studio built so all stock can be out of the house.
2. Get all those luscious yarns in that I really really want to sell.
3. Get the new wheels and looms in that I really really really want to sell.
4. Get some BIG collapsible posters printed for market stalls.

So. Um. Yeah.

I'd really like to do nothing but sit and spin and weave and CREATE all day. But that won't pay the bills, DH's job doesn't pay the bills, hence I work and even that doesn't pay the bills so I work two jobs which I HATE and they don't pay the bills so I take on a third job - and suddenly my entire life is just about working in jobs that I mostly can't stand to make money just to pay for the bare essentials of life that I sometimes wonder if we even need.

We don't live large. We don't go out, we don't have expensive cars, we don't have Foxtel or huge electricity bills or any personal loans or any credit card debt or ANYTHING like that.
We do have the internet, we have mobile phones. We have a smaller than average electricity bill, a smaller than average water bill, no gas bills, we conserve our firewood as much as we can in winter, we don't have air-conditioning in summer, we run our small car on gas so it's cheap. Our mortgage is pretty small compared to the national average - ok, maybe even tiny.

I look around me and I think - I'm not in a bad place. I don't have creditors knocking on my door. I don't have to panic every time the phone rings thinking someone is going to take something from me. We won't be repossessed or homeless.

Despite all this, I don't have a life that I can be proud of. I'm not enjoying my time on this planet. I'm hating the fact that I see my kids for approximately 20 hours out of the 168 that are available in every week. I'm hating the fact that every time I want to do something it gets interrupted by me having to go off to work.

Speaking of which - I have to go to work now. Blah