I have a day off work. Tomorrow, I do not have to THINK about going to work AT ALL!!!
It feels like a miracle. It's been 30 whole days since this event has happened. No, not kidding. 30 days of going to work every single day.
So I was planning on having a heavy night on the booze with my husband, or at least having a few drinks, and then sleeping in tomorrow morning.
Of course, DH went to sleep. And I've been sitting here reading blogs and facebooking and reading online fiction and having a couple of ciders. And watching movies on the TV. So yeah.
I will sleep in tomorrow. If my children let me. And I might just fill up my day doing washing and catching up on household jobs. Or I might go out with them all. Who knows.
One thing I will most definetly NOT be doing - is going to work.
This is a good thing.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Motivations...
Have you ever considered what you motivation really is in life??
I have been wondering lately if my motivation for working all of these insane hours is really as transparent as I like to think it is.
You see, I've just signed up for even more hours at one job. Which means I'll be doing 45 hours a week across 2 jobs from the next fortnight until I go mad. It DOES mean I get to have Sundays off work for the first time in 2.5 years... but still. 45 hours?? Am I MAD??
I sit here and I justify it easily. It's easy for me to get the hours. I'm lucky that way. And as a family, we need money. We need to pay bills and mortgages. We need to eat. And I feel deep down that I want to be AHEAD, not just hanging on a week at a time.
But really. I have known exactly what I WANT to be doing in my life for a while now. And as time goes by, what I WANT to do becomes clearer and clearer to me. But for some reason, the decisions I'm making are taking me further and further AWAY from that dream instead of towards it.
I don't HAVE to do all these hours. If I dropped them back, the government with it's lovely assistance programs would make up enough of the difference that we could still pay our bills. I don't HAVE to be stressing myself out and exhausting myself.
I'm starting to think that part of the reason why I am is because I'm afraid. It's so much easier to immerse myself in working for "the man", making the dollars roll in in a way that I can not hold myself personally responsible for. I can't really FAIL at the jobs I have - I consider myself to be reasonably conscientious and I do what I'm told - so it's not my responsibility if the money stops coming, it's my employers.
However in my dream, I am my OWN employer. If the money doesn't come in - it's entirely MY fault. No matter how much I would LOVE to be living my dream, it will have pressures attached that mean I will have to make a certain level of income. The part of my dream that works right now is nowhere near close to making that level. So I'm afraid to throw in the towel on the things that ARE feeding us to take a huge risk on something that I love. In case I fail.
I do wonder if I'm cutting off my nose to spite my own face. Can I sucessfully keep up my current level of "the dream" activity whilst I'm doing 45 hour weeks out of the home? If I can't - then why am I doing that many hours?
Much to think about.
I have been wondering lately if my motivation for working all of these insane hours is really as transparent as I like to think it is.
You see, I've just signed up for even more hours at one job. Which means I'll be doing 45 hours a week across 2 jobs from the next fortnight until I go mad. It DOES mean I get to have Sundays off work for the first time in 2.5 years... but still. 45 hours?? Am I MAD??
I sit here and I justify it easily. It's easy for me to get the hours. I'm lucky that way. And as a family, we need money. We need to pay bills and mortgages. We need to eat. And I feel deep down that I want to be AHEAD, not just hanging on a week at a time.
But really. I have known exactly what I WANT to be doing in my life for a while now. And as time goes by, what I WANT to do becomes clearer and clearer to me. But for some reason, the decisions I'm making are taking me further and further AWAY from that dream instead of towards it.
I don't HAVE to do all these hours. If I dropped them back, the government with it's lovely assistance programs would make up enough of the difference that we could still pay our bills. I don't HAVE to be stressing myself out and exhausting myself.
I'm starting to think that part of the reason why I am is because I'm afraid. It's so much easier to immerse myself in working for "the man", making the dollars roll in in a way that I can not hold myself personally responsible for. I can't really FAIL at the jobs I have - I consider myself to be reasonably conscientious and I do what I'm told - so it's not my responsibility if the money stops coming, it's my employers.
However in my dream, I am my OWN employer. If the money doesn't come in - it's entirely MY fault. No matter how much I would LOVE to be living my dream, it will have pressures attached that mean I will have to make a certain level of income. The part of my dream that works right now is nowhere near close to making that level. So I'm afraid to throw in the towel on the things that ARE feeding us to take a huge risk on something that I love. In case I fail.
I do wonder if I'm cutting off my nose to spite my own face. Can I sucessfully keep up my current level of "the dream" activity whilst I'm doing 45 hour weeks out of the home? If I can't - then why am I doing that many hours?
Much to think about.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)