Welcome to the dribblings of a mildly internet addicted individual who has too much to do in too little time, and the insane desire to blog about it all.

It's all relative, anyway.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

blah blah blah blah

Once, a few weeks ago, I had this idea that I should start another blog. You know, to go along with the 3 I already have that I very rarely update.
Part of it was an urge to start writing fiction again. Just a chapter here and there that I could blog when the urge overtook me - that way I could use the phone, any handy computer, whatever.

Obviously that hasn't happened.

And as I sit here blogging at work I think to myself - do I really need another thing to feel responsible for? I don't think so.

Busy, that's what my life is. Busy. I want to create more, to put my stamp on more things in life, to be honestly able to say "I did that all by myself" only there isn't time. I currently have time to say "look, I worked innumerable hours this week" as if that's some kind of badge to wear. It's a shame that it doesn't feel like it. It feels, in fact, like I'm slaving away acheiving absolutely nothing except working towards a positive bank account.

That doesn't give me the feedback that I like. I like to SEE what I've achieved, there in front of me, a creation that is mine. My ideas, my skills, my senses all immersed in this thing that I alone have done.

Then I like to sell it LOL

I keep telling myself "one day" - one day the studio will be in place, one day the sales will pick up enough so that I can drop one of the mind-numbing things I do just for money and start doing things that I get true satisfaction from.
One day, doing those things will mean I finally meet my own standards - of living, of parenting, of eating and producing and preserving.

One day, I will feel as though my life has purpose beyond the bank balance.

One day I will feel complete as a person.

One day......