Welcome to the dribblings of a mildly internet addicted individual who has too much to do in too little time, and the insane desire to blog about it all.

It's all relative, anyway.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

The joys of realisation

For a long while now, i've been working my backside off because I want something that needs funding. Generally speaking, that's the way people do things - they see a goal that they want, they figure out how to get it, and they work to make it happen.

This is all good and it makes perfect sense to me.

However - like many people, I have many goals. And many dreams.

It occurred to me whilst driving home from work the other night that a number of my dreams and once-upon-a-time goals are now completely out of my reach forever.

This is not a pleasant realisation. But I think it may have been a cleansing one.

See, I've been working hard for a shop/studio so that I can expand the market of my business, because I love what I do and I want the opportunity to do more of it.

But in the back of my mind I have always always ALWAYS wanted to live on a property, have acreage, have a small farm with a horse or two and some sheep and goats and the whole works.

Now I'm 35, My husband is 37, and neither of us is working in a stupidly high paid profession. We have a small mortgage in a semi-rural small township that's rapidly developing into a suburb. But we do not, and will not in the foreseeable future, have the financial ability to purchase the dream property. And I suddenly realised that we never will.

I will never be able to walk out my back door and see acres of hills and bushland that belong to me, I will never get up in the morning on a weekend and ride my horse, I will never take my kids out into the paddock in the morning to hand-feed the sheep.

I will never have my big farmhouse with it's country kitchen. I will never have my entrance-hall filled with muddy gumboots. I will never live in a house where the nearest neighbour is 5 minutes down the road and WAAAAYYY out of sight.

These are things that I have dreamt of and wanted for a VERY long time.

I have, however, never WORKED towards them with the intensity of "have to" that I have been working towards my little business dream.


I'm not really sure why that is. Perhaps it was always supposed to be nothing BUT a dream?

Anyway, along with the pure and simple realisation that it will never happen, has come a change in attitude. You see, the house I live in now, and the community I interact with here - they are fantastic things. There is opportunity for a myriad of small improvements that will make our lives more pleasant, and those dreams WILL be achievable here.

My husband right now, in his lower-paying, less hours per week job, is quite possibly the happiest I have EVER seen him. It is incredible to watch him at everyday tasks now - he is so relaxed and he is a joy to spend time with.

Me? I'm over half-way to my shop goal, and it's getting more exciting every day. I'm still working a lot, but it's all good. I have removed one of the jobs from my life - so in a few weeks I'll only have 2!! - but I've picked up some extra hours elsewhere, so it's evening out.

Things are moving along. And I think it's time to lay that other dream to rest now and just go with the good things we've already got.

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