The truth about craft

Craft is awesome. It's relaxing, encouraging, inspiring, and it's one of the few things you can do in your spare time that result in a concrete reward - I MADE THIS.

There's an issue in that previous sentence. It's where I've said....

SPARE TIME

I seem to have less and less and less of that lying around in which to do anything.

For example. Today is Sunday. It is the one day of the week where I am not required to go to work outside the home. One would think that perhaps that might mean I have some spare time.

The truth of the matter is that I not only have my entire day already mapped out for me, not a single part of that day, except perhaps for after dark tonight once the kids are in bed, involves craft.

Most of it involves cleaning. I hate cleaning.

Ah well. I suppose there's really nothing for it but to finish this blog (which, by the way, isn't taking up any supposed spare time but is borrowing some of my morning coffee time instead) and get on with it.

End result of today is that the 'lounge room' is actually going to have lounge space available again. And I will no longer be in any danger of having lego-shaped tread imprints in the bottom of my feet whenever I walk in the room. That's the theory.

If I'm lucky, it might even last until this time next week.

The joys of realisation

For a long while now, i've been working my backside off because I want something that needs funding. Generally speaking, that's the way people do things - they see a goal that they want, they figure out how to get it, and they work to make it happen.

This is all good and it makes perfect sense to me.

However - like many people, I have many goals. And many dreams.

It occurred to me whilst driving home from work the other night that a number of my dreams and once-upon-a-time goals are now completely out of my reach forever.

This is not a pleasant realisation. But I think it may have been a cleansing one.

See, I've been working hard for a shop/studio so that I can expand the market of my business, because I love what I do and I want the opportunity to do more of it.

But in the back of my mind I have always always ALWAYS wanted to live on a property, have acreage, have a small farm with a horse or two and some sheep and goats and the whole works.

Now I'm 35, My husband is 37, and neither of us is working in a stupidly high paid profession. We have a small mortgage in a semi-rural small township that's rapidly developing into a suburb. But we do not, and will not in the foreseeable future, have the financial ability to purchase the dream property. And I suddenly realised that we never will.

I will never be able to walk out my back door and see acres of hills and bushland that belong to me, I will never get up in the morning on a weekend and ride my horse, I will never take my kids out into the paddock in the morning to hand-feed the sheep.

I will never have my big farmhouse with it's country kitchen. I will never have my entrance-hall filled with muddy gumboots. I will never live in a house where the nearest neighbour is 5 minutes down the road and WAAAAYYY out of sight.

These are things that I have dreamt of and wanted for a VERY long time.

I have, however, never WORKED towards them with the intensity of "have to" that I have been working towards my little business dream.


I'm not really sure why that is. Perhaps it was always supposed to be nothing BUT a dream?

Anyway, along with the pure and simple realisation that it will never happen, has come a change in attitude. You see, the house I live in now, and the community I interact with here - they are fantastic things. There is opportunity for a myriad of small improvements that will make our lives more pleasant, and those dreams WILL be achievable here.

My husband right now, in his lower-paying, less hours per week job, is quite possibly the happiest I have EVER seen him. It is incredible to watch him at everyday tasks now - he is so relaxed and he is a joy to spend time with.

Me? I'm over half-way to my shop goal, and it's getting more exciting every day. I'm still working a lot, but it's all good. I have removed one of the jobs from my life - so in a few weeks I'll only have 2!! - but I've picked up some extra hours elsewhere, so it's evening out.

Things are moving along. And I think it's time to lay that other dream to rest now and just go with the good things we've already got.

blah blah blah blah

Once, a few weeks ago, I had this idea that I should start another blog. You know, to go along with the 3 I already have that I very rarely update.
Part of it was an urge to start writing fiction again. Just a chapter here and there that I could blog when the urge overtook me - that way I could use the phone, any handy computer, whatever.

Obviously that hasn't happened.

And as I sit here blogging at work I think to myself - do I really need another thing to feel responsible for? I don't think so.

Busy, that's what my life is. Busy. I want to create more, to put my stamp on more things in life, to be honestly able to say "I did that all by myself" only there isn't time. I currently have time to say "look, I worked innumerable hours this week" as if that's some kind of badge to wear. It's a shame that it doesn't feel like it. It feels, in fact, like I'm slaving away acheiving absolutely nothing except working towards a positive bank account.

That doesn't give me the feedback that I like. I like to SEE what I've achieved, there in front of me, a creation that is mine. My ideas, my skills, my senses all immersed in this thing that I alone have done.

Then I like to sell it LOL

I keep telling myself "one day" - one day the studio will be in place, one day the sales will pick up enough so that I can drop one of the mind-numbing things I do just for money and start doing things that I get true satisfaction from.
One day, doing those things will mean I finally meet my own standards - of living, of parenting, of eating and producing and preserving.

One day, I will feel as though my life has purpose beyond the bank balance.

One day I will feel complete as a person.

One day......

The phone conversation of all time

OK so this is how it goes. Keep in mind our household has already recieved a call from these scammers, so I already knew what was going on. Italics is the man on the phone. Non-italics - me.

Enjoy.


Hello am I speaking with mrs pilborough?

Yep, that's me.

Hello, my name is Tim, I'm calling from a computer security firm in regards to your home computer. Can you tell me, do you have a computer with an authorised operating system?

*alarm bell clangs*

Yes, yes I do.

Well, our computer security company is calling people in regards to a very serious computer breach that can affect your systems. This breach comes through the internet.

Internet?? What's that?? *insert blonde tone here*

*pregnant pause* You do not know what hte internet is??

No! Tell me more, it sounds interesting.

Um.. *longer pregnant pause* You do not download anything??

Down... load. Sounds strange, what does that mean???


*pause so pregnant that his waters must've been almost breaking*

You have never used email??

We don't even have a postman here!

No no, mam, email is the electronic version of mail. you send letters through the computer. You do have a computer??

Yes, the children play games on it. Tell me more about this email

You don't know about the internet? (to someone in the background - this lady doesn't know about the internet!)

That's right. Do tell me about it, I'm curious now.


Loooooonng pause.

If you don't know about the internet, I'm afraid we cannot help you today mam. Thankyou and goodbye.


And that is how to avoid people behaving like the last one who called with a similar scam, who swore at my husband when he refused to log onto their website.

*grin*

jingling, anyone?

Is it just me who gets a little caught up in the anti-christmas spirit this time of year? Like, seriously. Tinsel and carols and shopping and more shopping and more shopping - it's just blergh. Don't like it at all.

Having said that it's the kids christmas concert tonight - if the thunderstorms finish. I hope they do. It would be sad to have them cancel it. It's always fun to sit out on the oval and watch the littlies dancing to their tunes. And they love the visit from the jolly red man on the CFS truck, even though I have to take Rory's lollipop away from him directly afterwards because it's never gluten/wheat free and he can't eat it.

I just dislike the general hoo ha. Maybe I'm turning into scrooge. Who really knows.

birthdays

It is my DH's birthday today. We have been married for 8 years now. Doesn't seem that long.

Lately I feel as though I have been undervaluing him. He is an awesome human being, with a fabulous skill set and a whole tonne more motivation to just get out there and do stuff than I have ever had in my entire life.

I love him very much and I am determined to make sure that whatever else happens between us, he always knows that I love him.

All I really wanna do is...

Sit in a quiet room and knit.

I just wanna sit in a quiet room and knit.

Today was my first day off after working 56 hours this week. I was called to go in and work today as well but I declined, thinking of how exhausted and generally brain dead I felt once I'd gotten home from work last night and how much I had been looking forward to a day off finally.

So today was the day off! I was supposed to be tidying up the study in an attempt to get some things shifted around in the lounge room so we can actually have a christmas tree up this year.

But I slept in for hours. I'm not complaining, I needed the sleep.

Then after the sleep in, we packed ourselves in the car off for a short trip to the shops. I bought some bits and peices, nothing exciting.

Then, I came home and attempted to set up DS1's computer to the internet. It didnt work. And somehow in the process I managed to stuff up the settings on the modem, so I can no longer connect to the net either. This is just freaking bonkers and I'm over it.

So I've spent money on cables and now, money on pre-paid credit for the wireless modem just to check my emails again. So now I have a non-working desktop, AND a non-working internet connection.

I'm going mad. Every time I try and fix something to do with these PC's it ends up failing dismally.


I'ts now half past 7 on my only day off and I've done nothing but fail all day. I'm going out to hang up the washing (which I only got half of done) and to water the vegies (which I haven't had time to weed and will no doubt die this week in the 35 degree heat that's forecast).

Then I'm coming back inside, to screaming kids and annoyed, still internet-less teenager. And I'm going to knit for a while, at least.

I know that's something that I can acheive. And fix if I stuff it up. And start again if I have to.

*sigh*